Confessions of a Big Girl

            I was always the chubby kid in school, always the biggest girl in my group of friends. It's hard. It's harder than a lot of people understand. As a kid I was judged a lot, made fun of because I couldn't do push-ups in gym class or had a long mile-run time, or I had to get the large t-shirts for fields trips. I had major self-esteem issues for years, and once I got into high school I realized something; it doesn't matter what those people say. I'll never see most of them ever again after high school, many of them have absolutely nothing to do with me or my life, why should I listen to them? The answer is, I shouldn't. And I still don't.

            Obesity has become a problem, I understand. But just because someone is overweight, doesn't make them disgusting or unattractive. I know we've all heard 'everyone is beautiful in their own way' to some extent, and yeah, it's cliché, but, coming from a girl who never really felt beautiful until high school, I believe that now. As long as you, personally, think you yourself is beautiful, then who-the-hell cares what some bitch at school thinks?

            I've grown to be more confident, now that I've accepted myself the way that I am. Since I've become more confident, I've also gotten more friends because I can be more open around other people. I act completely crazy around strangers now because I don't care about what they think about me; it doesn't matter. I think that if a lot more people, especially teenagers, accept themselves for who they are and don't hide their true personality in front of others, they would be amazed at how much better they feel. I look back now and I think of how stupid I was for not coming out of my shell sooner. Granted, I've met many new people now that I hadn't known back then, but if I wasn't more outgoing now, I don't think I would be as close to a lot of those people.

            It's hard letting your walls down; it took me 16 years and sometimes I still feel like building them again. But I think before doing so, where would I be right now if I hadn't taken that risk, opened myself up? I'd probably be in my bedroom with a tub of chocolate ice cream watching The Notebook with my Yorkie. I know I'm not the smallest girl in the world, but that doesn't mean that I can't be confident enough to be myself outside of the privacy of my household.

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